I wish I could say something more helpful - what an awful, tragic situation to be in. I had issues with my own mother (my dad died very young) and because her carer by my teens, but nothing remotely resembling the pressure you are under. We need to hear these voices, and you write well. Hoping you are able to find some joy in life, somwhere. What a huge, unrecognised burden carers carry.
Thank you for sharing this story with us - it's so powerful in telling us what it's like to be a care giver and just how all encompassing it seems to be. I don't envy you the situation at all and want to throw a miracle fix your way somehow. What it seems that you have in your genetic make up though is resilience and it's really a super power - no matter what, you keep on doing what you have to keep on doing. It's going to see you through your life in such positive ways now and in the future :-)
Oh my gawd, Virginia, you are IN IT. I am sitting at my screen with tears in my eyes for you, my heart aching. I recently had to clip my mom's toenails...it was a THING...but now I see how very easy I have it that my mom is still relatively mobile, independent and compos mentis.
I am in awe of your strength, your resilience, your focus. You look amazing because that is how you look, but you ARE strong, powerful and smart. Sending you the biggest hug and good vibes I can. <3
You are an amazing writer and you so vividly convey the difficulties and hardship of being a care giver. The world is peppered with silent people behind the scenes, who do heroic work and keep everything going for Ill members of family and the community but at great expense to themselves. Their work is rarely honoured or even recognised. Unconditional love is the way they live their lives. But they sometimes ignore the need to proportion some of that love to themselves too. It’s vitally important they do but recognition and pathways to facilitate this are often absent
Some things really stand out to me: You should not be carrying this burden on your own
As a gifted communicator, you should look for change , not only for yourself but for the thousands of silent heroes who do similar work with varying degrees of difficulty You all keep the ship sailing but become depleted. We are not supposed to burn out but ‘ burn brightly’
I sincerely hope things can change for you No one should have to shoulder so much on their own. Serious mental health issues is a burden that should be shared and managed.
I wish you well. I wish for some peaceful space that’s a wellspring for joy, help and companionship for you and may you always write. Your pen is the tool for change .
This whole article makes me love and respect you that much more. I also resonate deeply with your story of family struggle and obligation. At what point do we choose ourselves? It’s admirable that you’ve devoted the time that you have. It is interesting you know, when one area of your life is doing well there’s undoubtedly another area that is not. Thank you for sharing. It was emotional and raw and beautifully funny. I also turned 40 this year! Happy Birthday, beauty!!
Happy birthday! Thank you for continuing to share beautiful and meaningful stories about yourself. It's a gift to us. Hope the next year is filled with joy, amazing thrift finds and a bit more ease.
Virginia, you are such a breathtakingly good writer. I am so glad we can enjoy your words here but I can’t help but feeling so many other people should be reading them, too. Your viewpoint and your writing is powerful. I wish our country had a better support system in place, it’s pathetic and unfair. Happy belated birthday. Even if you are so often burnt out, know that you are a shining light for so many.
I felt every feather picked and every leaf found. Thank you for sharing this. I recognised a lot of what you describe not from personal experience but from working with caregivers and a caregivers respite project I worked on a long time ago.
I am totally amazed at the capabilities you and other caregivers have. You describing your life gives an incredible insight. Thank you for doing this so beautifully. Your sense of humor and self-depreciation made me laugh (which in turn made me feel guilty) but shows how incredibly strong and inspiring you aew. Wishing you une belle journée, from Ardèche.
Oh my goodness reading your work is like a light of recognition. Thank you so much. When I was 16 my mother had a massive accident which left her profoundly brain damaged. She loved for 22 years unable to care for herself or talk or know anything, until I was in my late 30s in 2013. Since then my family has had multiple accidents. It almost becomes embarrassing telling people about them as so many people have been terribly hurt or killed in accidents. It feels like a freak. It’s really helped me to read your words. Thank you so much. Thank you SO much xx
Thank you, Clover. It is strange to come across someone with whom you have such a strange connection — we are bound by something that is, to so many "freakish."
Happy happy birthday, Virginia! Thank you for sharing, what a beautiful and painful piece that resonated with so many- My young son has a brain tumor and caregiver is not for the faint of heart but we carry on. I hope your special day and year is full of good finds, happiness and health!
Virginia, I am so moved. You are truly so extraordinary. The fact that you are a journalist, (very) glamorous influencer, are an expert thrifter and antique hunter, have a handsome BF, travel, and STILL look so lovely, with all of this on your plate, is extraordinary to me! ( AND she cooks! 😆) You are truly amazing. However, I Disagree with you on one thing… I think by taking care of your mom so beautifully, whether it appears like that every day or not, you are truly investing in yourself, as painful and so so difficult as I’m sure it must be… You are truly such a beautiful, strong and loving person. Please know this! So strong, smart and lovely. Thank you for sharing this!
I have just found you. Fuck-a-duck. I’m close to speechless. Thank you for your rawness and pared-to-the-bone honesty. This must have been as cathartic as it was painful to write.
I can relate to what you wrote in a very small way - it was exhausting for me, but I cannot imagine how it must be for you - or how it was for your grandmother. Philip Larkin wasn’t wrong when he wrote ‘Man hands on misery to man/It deepens like a coastal shelf’. It wasn’t your mother’s fault, nor your grandmother’s, nor yours… yet here you are. It’s fallen to you.
Happy belated birthday, Virginia. It’s not all leaves and feathers, even when it feels as though it might be. Sending much love, from one stranger to another. xxx
Thank you for sharing this, Virginia. It’s incredibly important that your story is heard. Not just for you but for others as well. I don’t know how you are doing it, but I get it. You must. Hugs. B
Big Thrift Energy has been a favorite of mine, which led me to read a number of your online posts. I l love your style and your passion for thrifting. However, your personal back story inspired me to become an official subscriber because I realized the full breadth and depth, not only of your life, but of your ability to write about it in a way that is helpful to the rest of us.
I wish I could say something more helpful - what an awful, tragic situation to be in. I had issues with my own mother (my dad died very young) and because her carer by my teens, but nothing remotely resembling the pressure you are under. We need to hear these voices, and you write well. Hoping you are able to find some joy in life, somwhere. What a huge, unrecognised burden carers carry.
Thank you for sharing this story with us - it's so powerful in telling us what it's like to be a care giver and just how all encompassing it seems to be. I don't envy you the situation at all and want to throw a miracle fix your way somehow. What it seems that you have in your genetic make up though is resilience and it's really a super power - no matter what, you keep on doing what you have to keep on doing. It's going to see you through your life in such positive ways now and in the future :-)
Oh my gawd, Virginia, you are IN IT. I am sitting at my screen with tears in my eyes for you, my heart aching. I recently had to clip my mom's toenails...it was a THING...but now I see how very easy I have it that my mom is still relatively mobile, independent and compos mentis.
I am in awe of your strength, your resilience, your focus. You look amazing because that is how you look, but you ARE strong, powerful and smart. Sending you the biggest hug and good vibes I can. <3
You are an amazing writer and you so vividly convey the difficulties and hardship of being a care giver. The world is peppered with silent people behind the scenes, who do heroic work and keep everything going for Ill members of family and the community but at great expense to themselves. Their work is rarely honoured or even recognised. Unconditional love is the way they live their lives. But they sometimes ignore the need to proportion some of that love to themselves too. It’s vitally important they do but recognition and pathways to facilitate this are often absent
Some things really stand out to me: You should not be carrying this burden on your own
As a gifted communicator, you should look for change , not only for yourself but for the thousands of silent heroes who do similar work with varying degrees of difficulty You all keep the ship sailing but become depleted. We are not supposed to burn out but ‘ burn brightly’
I sincerely hope things can change for you No one should have to shoulder so much on their own. Serious mental health issues is a burden that should be shared and managed.
I wish you well. I wish for some peaceful space that’s a wellspring for joy, help and companionship for you and may you always write. Your pen is the tool for change .
This whole article makes me love and respect you that much more. I also resonate deeply with your story of family struggle and obligation. At what point do we choose ourselves? It’s admirable that you’ve devoted the time that you have. It is interesting you know, when one area of your life is doing well there’s undoubtedly another area that is not. Thank you for sharing. It was emotional and raw and beautifully funny. I also turned 40 this year! Happy Birthday, beauty!!
Happy birthday! Thank you for continuing to share beautiful and meaningful stories about yourself. It's a gift to us. Hope the next year is filled with joy, amazing thrift finds and a bit more ease.
Virginia, you are such a breathtakingly good writer. I am so glad we can enjoy your words here but I can’t help but feeling so many other people should be reading them, too. Your viewpoint and your writing is powerful. I wish our country had a better support system in place, it’s pathetic and unfair. Happy belated birthday. Even if you are so often burnt out, know that you are a shining light for so many.
Lindsay you are so kind ❤️
❤️
I felt every feather picked and every leaf found. Thank you for sharing this. I recognised a lot of what you describe not from personal experience but from working with caregivers and a caregivers respite project I worked on a long time ago.
I am totally amazed at the capabilities you and other caregivers have. You describing your life gives an incredible insight. Thank you for doing this so beautifully. Your sense of humor and self-depreciation made me laugh (which in turn made me feel guilty) but shows how incredibly strong and inspiring you aew. Wishing you une belle journée, from Ardèche.
Oh my goodness reading your work is like a light of recognition. Thank you so much. When I was 16 my mother had a massive accident which left her profoundly brain damaged. She loved for 22 years unable to care for herself or talk or know anything, until I was in my late 30s in 2013. Since then my family has had multiple accidents. It almost becomes embarrassing telling people about them as so many people have been terribly hurt or killed in accidents. It feels like a freak. It’s really helped me to read your words. Thank you so much. Thank you SO much xx
Thank you, Clover. It is strange to come across someone with whom you have such a strange connection — we are bound by something that is, to so many "freakish."
Happy happy birthday, Virginia! Thank you for sharing, what a beautiful and painful piece that resonated with so many- My young son has a brain tumor and caregiver is not for the faint of heart but we carry on. I hope your special day and year is full of good finds, happiness and health!
Oh Natalie, I am so sorry to hear about your son. I hope you are taking care of yourself as best you can.
Virginia, I am so moved. You are truly so extraordinary. The fact that you are a journalist, (very) glamorous influencer, are an expert thrifter and antique hunter, have a handsome BF, travel, and STILL look so lovely, with all of this on your plate, is extraordinary to me! ( AND she cooks! 😆) You are truly amazing. However, I Disagree with you on one thing… I think by taking care of your mom so beautifully, whether it appears like that every day or not, you are truly investing in yourself, as painful and so so difficult as I’m sure it must be… You are truly such a beautiful, strong and loving person. Please know this! So strong, smart and lovely. Thank you for sharing this!
You are way too kind (hiring you to tell me these things every morning when I get out of bed)
You’re the BEST! ( and I work cheap 😆)
I have just found you. Fuck-a-duck. I’m close to speechless. Thank you for your rawness and pared-to-the-bone honesty. This must have been as cathartic as it was painful to write.
I can relate to what you wrote in a very small way - it was exhausting for me, but I cannot imagine how it must be for you - or how it was for your grandmother. Philip Larkin wasn’t wrong when he wrote ‘Man hands on misery to man/It deepens like a coastal shelf’. It wasn’t your mother’s fault, nor your grandmother’s, nor yours… yet here you are. It’s fallen to you.
Happy belated birthday, Virginia. It’s not all leaves and feathers, even when it feels as though it might be. Sending much love, from one stranger to another. xxx
Thank you Tracie ❤️
💗 sending love and light to you.
Thank you for sharing this, Virginia. It’s incredibly important that your story is heard. Not just for you but for others as well. I don’t know how you are doing it, but I get it. You must. Hugs. B
Big Thrift Energy has been a favorite of mine, which led me to read a number of your online posts. I l love your style and your passion for thrifting. However, your personal back story inspired me to become an official subscriber because I realized the full breadth and depth, not only of your life, but of your ability to write about it in a way that is helpful to the rest of us.
Our caregiving journeys are different, but I can totally relate to everything you said and the closing video was on point. Hang in there.