Frivolity is the Whole Entire Ballgame
The secret to life (and design) is simply liking stuff
I have a tweet saved that I reference constantly. When I’m having a bad day, or feeling like I’m not getting where I want to be fast enough… this tweet shifts my perspective.
Years before this tweet was posted, I wrote something fairly similar here on Substack, about how frivolity is kind of the point of life. Not everything has to be monetizable, or be high-brow, or even have a point. Some things can just be for the hell of it.
It’s the biggest cliché in the world but it’s also the most true: life is short. While we’re here, let’s just get enjoyment out of things like silly sculptures or weird art — those tiny little moments that spark joy. Sometimes, the tiny moments add up!
My grandmother loved découpage, a decorative technique akin to collage, in which you glue designs on to a surface, then seal them with varnish. When I was a child she would painstakingly cut out flora and fauna she found in old art books and adhere it to the backs of plates (she was doing John Derian before John Derian). She even sold them (some of her former customers may subscribe to this newsletter, in which case — hello!)
It was a hobby she monetized but it was also just… frivolous. She did it for her because she loved it. And when she died, I found boxes of the cut-outs she had never used, so my mom and I worked together to adhere paint a black canvas and stick them to that.
And now, my grandmother’s frivolous little thing is my really beautiful, magical thing. It’s worth nothing in terms of who made it (just us three!) or materiality (canvas and paper) but it’s arguably the most special work of art I own.
Frivolity is, to me, about celebrating and getting joy out of the every day.
I’ve never been one to save things for a special occasion or say “I could never pull that off.” Today is the special occasion. If I’m wearing something, I’m pulling it off.
I think it is incredibly fun to not take life so seriously because you know what? It’s not that serious. There are like eight billion of us, just bumbling around on earth, worried about what the other 7.99999 billion people think about the shirt we put on when nobody cares about the shirt we put on!
Even if somebody says they care about the shirt you have on — in an Instagram comment or something — they don’t really care. They care about how your shirt made them feel and frankly, I would wear the shirt more often in that case because that idiot needs to feel something.
You know what else? Not to be morbid but we are all going to die one day. We are. It’s the truth. And when we do, we won’t be thinking about the shirt. And five years later, no one is going to be going, “Well she was a wonderful lady but she wore truly hideous shirts…”
Often in life, we repress what we really want not because we don’t want it, but because we’re worried about how wanting it makes us look to our family and friends. See also: People who say they “don’t watch TV,” or “don’t listen to Taylor Swift,” who I believe are people who just desperately want to seem like they don’t watch TV or listen to Taylor Swift.
The secret to life is, simply, liking stuff. Really liking it. Getting joy out of it, collecting it, researching it, becoming a connoisseur of it. This is why I love vintage art. There is always more to like — more to learn, more to collect, more to discover.
I am incredibly passionate about frivolity because my life has been so mired in, well, shit. Very Serious Shit. And rather than drag myself down through the depths of hell every day, I want to focus on the whimsical elements.
I want to wear makeup and blow-dry my hair and snap on a push-up bra, and also maybe wear it with some hideous oversized cargo pants because who the hell cares why not?!
I want to go to an estate sale and buy a giant papier-mâché frog no one else wanted because he’s fabulous and he makes me smile.
Here’s the deal: You will enjoy life more if you prime yourself to. But you have to prepare yourself to enjoy the frivolous. Smile at whimsy. Laugh at camp. Get a kick out of things.
As you develop taste and collect things and fill your mind with beauty, you begin to see it elsewhere — in dusty bins at thrift stores, hanging in a coat closet at an estate sale. The more you find enjoyment in frivolous stuff, the more fun you have in life. Filling your mind (and your Pinterest boards and your Instagram saved folders) sharpens your taste but it also puts all the good stuff in sharper relief. The Very Serious Shit kind of fades to the background because OhMyGodLookAtThisWeirdPaintingIJustFound!
A love of frivolity is directly tied to living a life of acceptance. Those who love lightheartedness don’t take themselves too seriously. They don’t need to write a think piece about how that one actress made an aesthetic choice they don’t like because they accept that everyone makes different choices. They don’t need to write a “That’s hideous” comment on Facebook beneath a photo of an armoire someone bought because they realize the armoire wasn’t purchased for them. This is the year 2025, angels — we can all have the face that we want, and the armoire that we want, and do it for any reason at all that we want.
If you want to get plastic surgery, do it. If you want to age gracefully, do it. If you want to hire an interior designer and ensure that everything in your home matches and looks pristine, do it. If you want to create a hoarder’s paradise of stuff, do that, too.
But.
We could all stand to throw a bit more caution to the wind because we only get to do this thing once. Sow your wild oats, treat yourself to a little treat (like a subscription to your favorite Substack) or a big one (that Khaite belt you’ve been eyeing), color all the way outside the lines when it comes to decorating your home. Or play with a fun trend (all the Substack fashion girls are wearing flower brooches which means they’ll be everywhere within two years — why not pin one on to your t-shirt or the collar of a blazer?)
Secondhand shopping is a great way to indulge in a bit of frivolity because the stakes are low. You can buy a weird purse or over-the-top jacket and experiment with it because it’s probably super affordable. And isn’t it the best when you breathe new life into something?
A lot of the secondhand stuff I buy comes from the reject pile — it’s left over on the final day of a sale because no one else wanted it. I’ll bring it to cash register and hear, “What on Earth?” but then, when I take it home and style it and share photos online, suddenly it’s this new, amazing thing. “What on Earth?” becomes “Where’d you get that?”
Sometimes, what seems ridiculous in one room is really fabulous in another — that is frivolity, babes.
MEMORIAL DAY SALE ROUNDUP
EBY: Everything is up to 40% off, including the best bra ever (which looks to be nearly sold out!)
Coco & Eve: 25% off all tan products (I love the SPF 45 anti-aging body oil and the bronzing face drops)
Paula’s Choice: One of the skincare companies I turn to when I’m dealing with breakouts or dry skin (their 2% liquid BHA exfoliant is a game changer for me — it works wonders within a week and I use it like a peel, applying it every other night until my skin clears up or until any red or dark spots fade)
Chairish: All the prints in the print shop (including mine!) are on sale
Guest in Residence: Gigi Hadid’s wildly cool cashmere line has select items on discount, including this shirtdress and this pink striped cardigan
Me+Em: There are some steep discounts (up to 60%) off items like this perfect-for-a-summer-wedding dress or these excellent pull-on pants
Tanya Taylor: Another favorite for a great summer dress, both event-ready or more casual options are now on sale
Atelier Saucier: This houseware brand makes some of my favorite linens, and many are deeply discounted
Virginia, this is one of the best things I’ve read, in terms of genuine life force- in forever. Just absolutely beautiful, so spot on, and TRUE. Thank you
What a great essay! Delightful. I totally agree- and that’s why I love to thrift- it’s almost always magical. What a great and true defence for frivolity. This made me very validated and happy.